I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my computer is finally up and running again having been on the blink for two days - the bad news is that the last two days have been a total disaster!! I don't know if this can be attributed to the fact that I knew I couldn't write and therefore wouldn't have to confess my sins, or because it was the weekend (I find it very hard to restrain myself on weekends) and my resistance crumbled. It all started off very well, I was a poster-girl of moderation at the drinks party on Friday night, I took my bottle of Light Wine and didn't drink anything else or eat any of the deliciously tempting snacks. My girlfriend, who was hosting, works at one of the leading cookery schools in the country so produces wave after wave of the most divine food!
On Saturday morning my husband and I got up early feeling very fresh as well as very smug about the fact that we did feel fresh, and went cycling. Success at last! We completed a thirty kilometre cycle in just under and hour and a half and I didn't once get off and push - it felt good and I made my husband proud which felt better than the accomplishment itself! Unfortunately, from there everything went pear-shaped, I was so hungry I ate everything in sight and couldn't stop myself until, feeling like a Tick, I rolled into bed on Sunday night - it was a MESS. I woke up this morning feeling really angry with myself for allowing this old pattern of weakness to creep back, but I also felt a renewed sense of determination to beat this addiction and own my willpower to succeed. I resisted getting on the scales for fear of feeling more self loathing, instead I got on my walking machine and did a very respectable workout - I have also been strong on the eating front so I'm feeling much better about things this afternoon! I decided a bit of retail therapy this morning would do wonders for my self esteem, theres nothing like a Jimmy Choo bag to cheer you up.
I realise after chatting to some of my friends, there is still some confusion over what I'm trying to achieve by wanting to re-invent myself and documenting it. I'm not trying to change my personality or who I am, I'm wanting to lose weight, get healthy and rediscover myself. In order to make it fun and interesting I decided to change my look in the process. The name change and new tattoo are the personal rewards I'm promising myself to give me something to work towards, not that I'm unhappy with my name, its just that Ive had it for forty-six years so why not have a change? - as for making all this public through the blog, I find that feeling compelled to write each day and to be brutally honest about what I have or haven't done, is a huge inspiration to finish my mission! x
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