Day 31

I  upgraded my modem today so hopefully things will run a bit smoother from now on.

I am just over four weeks into my quest and have lost a total of six point something (I cant remember exactly) kilograms which I think gives me permission to shout a loud HOORAY!

I am feeling much better in body and soul, I have caught a little glimpse of the future and it looks good!  My Weight Watchers girlfriend told me the other day that since reaching her goal weight and getting used to her new body, she feels the same as she did before starting the diet - that's size wise. I find this revelation a bit scary - I hope I don't feel the same way after all the blood, sweat and tears I have shed to reach the finish line. While I was lying in bed the other night, over thinking as usual, it occurred to me that I would be fifty years old sometime relatively soon and the very last thing on earth I want  to be is fifty and FAT!  I concluded that once I have lost these unwanted kilograms, I shall have to make an heroic effort never to find them again.

A couple of years ago my husband was training flat out to cycle the mountain stages of the Tour de France  (Oh yes he is that wonderful!) and in order to train at home, he bought a contraption that, once  hooked onto, renders your bike stationary when riding. He has now done this for me which means I can train anytime without worrying about  weather or traffic!  I was chatting to my brother this morning about cycling etc. and he expressed his concern that I was doing this purely to lose weight rather than making a life-style change
and, therefore, run the risk of putting it all back on again. I do understand where he is coming from, but what I want to do is lose the weight first, then change the life-style, maybe I'm doing it back to front?  I don't know, only time will tell, but for now it feels right.

The Easter weekend is looming and we are going away with some great friends. To be perfectly honest, I'm absolutely terrified of having a weak moment, letting  my guard down and eating everything in sight!  I'm sure when other addicts are in recovery, they avoid certain situations for fear of being tempted. The thing is, most people don't see food as the enemy and are not aware of the dangers when saying "Oh come on, one piece of chocolate wont hurt you!"  The problem is it will hurt me and it takes every ounce of willpower to decline, which can be exhausting!  Anyhow, I'm determined to be strong and have a divine weekend! x