Day 5

I am very thankful that taking ones bathroom scales on a camping trip would be deemed vain and obsessive and therefore frowned upon! Sadly my eating plan didn't work out as I expected it to yesterday so I don't think those scales would have been very kind this morning. I had bought all these divine goodies with my son, Jasper in mind who measures the success of a weekend away on yummy things to eat (I must point out that he doesn't have a food issue just a weekend sweet tooth). The problem is that two hours before we were due to leave for our camp he announced, all of eight years old, that he would not be joining us for the trip but would be going to his friend Dan down the road instead. I was quite shocked at the courage of his conviction and then it dawned on me that he was growing up and asserting his Independence - he had decided that spending the weekend with his best friend would be preferable to two nights with twenty screaming, teasing eight year old girls and if I look at it from his perspective I don't blame him! I have heard that the biggest gift you can ever give your children is Independence - Its just so hard to do.

Sometimes I feel that the reason why I find it hard to let go is because I'm a bit of a control freak, actually when I think about it its not so much a control freak but I just like things done the right way! For example, over the years we have collected quite a lot of interesting decorative objects which I have strategically arranged to look casual on various coffee tables, bookshelves and desks throughout the house. Our very long suffering house keeper, aptly named Patience, will swoop through the house everyday with her duster in hand and NEVER put things back the way they were - I find it excruciating! So every day I have to follow her path and re-arrange everything so that their placement makes sense, I sometimes think she does this to annoy me because she is convinced I am quite mad, which is totally possible as my most of my Mums family was completely batty! Some of my girlfriends will, on arrival, ask where they should put their belongings for fear of spoiling the look,even though I'm aware that they are doing this tongue in cheek,  I  still suggest the best place for them to set their things down. Oh dear, maybe I really am a control freak, but I do think that this is why I'm not prepared to give up on my body - I'm just not ready to resign myself to being a nearly fifty year old mother and housewife and therefore shouldn't bother or have the time to worry about what I look like. When I see  myself in the mirror I know that the arrangement just isn't right or appealing to look at so I will soldier on in my quest for visual harmony! x