I do hate getting old! This is not another rant born out of pure vanity, which thinking about, is my want to do - its the honest reality of growing older.
I lay awake for hours last night unable to get comfortable or block out the perpetual ache in my hip, where do these aches and pains come from? Why do they creep up on you as the years tick by? I was convinced I was about to keel over with a heart attack last week and took myself off to the doctor for a battery of tests that, thankfully, disproved my cardiac arrest theory, but opened a gambit of other possibilities - its a NIGHTMARE! To be honest, since hearing my heart is in perfect working order, I haven't experienced any pain. I was chatting with some girlfriends the other day when one of them asked me what bone density pill I was taking - it hadn't occurred to me that I should be taking anything. I flew into a bit of a panic and asked what other supplements were deemed appropriate for our age? After listening to an endless list of things I should be taking and check ups I should be having, my mind was reeling! My instinctive reaction was to reach for the bottle, pour another large glass of wine and hope for the best. Reflecting on all this upkeep one is supposed to do, I came to the conclusion, I would have little time for anything else - its mind blowing, I'm sure the folk we hear about that live in remote villages in Asia and live for hundreds of years don't take a myriad of supplements every morning.
I have just had a call from my darling husband to say his car has broken down and needs a lift to the airport, maybe we too should also be able to trade our bodies in for a new model when they break down! x
Monday, 13 June 2011
Friday, 10 June 2011
Day 81
"With an iron clenched fist I wake up and french kiss the morning"
You've got to love Bon Jovi!
This line is from one of my favourite Bon Jovi songs - Bed Of Roses, and that's how I felt this morning. I woke up with a steely determination and the promise of a new start! I have two weeks to go and I'm excited for the prospect of a new bod and a new me! x
You've got to love Bon Jovi!
This line is from one of my favourite Bon Jovi songs - Bed Of Roses, and that's how I felt this morning. I woke up with a steely determination and the promise of a new start! I have two weeks to go and I'm excited for the prospect of a new bod and a new me! x
Thursday, 9 June 2011
Day 80
Its two weeks to go and I'm in a cold sweat panic!
I just don't seem to realise the urgency of my situation. I was so pleased with myself on Saturday having reached my mini goal, but everything has gone fuzzy since then and I don't know what to do! You would think I would be shocked into the reality of fourteen days versus eight kilos - do you think I can do it? Ive thrown away four days since Saturday and something has to sink in fast - but WHAT? Actually, now that I think about it, there is something that can jolt me out of this quagmire - I have chosen my new tattoo. I have decided on the Lotus Flower, which represents harmony and beauty (two things I am constantly striving for.), it symbolises a difficult and sometimes traumatic, emotional and physical journey through 'muddy waters' to emerge triumphant and healed as a beautiful flower! I feel that part of my weight gain can be attributed to the pain of losing my parents within seven months of each other in the last two years. Recognising this, along with shedding the kilos has given me the opportunity of a new beginning emotionally as well as physically. The problem is I'm still fighting my way through those murky waters and desperately need to break out and blossom into the sunshine! I CANNOT and WILL NOT give up now! x
I just don't seem to realise the urgency of my situation. I was so pleased with myself on Saturday having reached my mini goal, but everything has gone fuzzy since then and I don't know what to do! You would think I would be shocked into the reality of fourteen days versus eight kilos - do you think I can do it? Ive thrown away four days since Saturday and something has to sink in fast - but WHAT? Actually, now that I think about it, there is something that can jolt me out of this quagmire - I have chosen my new tattoo. I have decided on the Lotus Flower, which represents harmony and beauty (two things I am constantly striving for.), it symbolises a difficult and sometimes traumatic, emotional and physical journey through 'muddy waters' to emerge triumphant and healed as a beautiful flower! I feel that part of my weight gain can be attributed to the pain of losing my parents within seven months of each other in the last two years. Recognising this, along with shedding the kilos has given me the opportunity of a new beginning emotionally as well as physically. The problem is I'm still fighting my way through those murky waters and desperately need to break out and blossom into the sunshine! I CANNOT and WILL NOT give up now! x
Friday, 3 June 2011
Day 74
The reason for my very early post is that I'm terrified something will go wrong with my computer again and I will be cut off from the world of technical communication!
I'm sitting outside my daughters school waiting to sign in for Hot Dog duty - I have never done this before and have no idea what is expected of me! I have lost another kilo on the scales this morning which puts me one number closer to my goal. A girlfriend commented on my blog from yesterday asking "When is it all going to end?" I have to say I feel the same way, thirteen weeks is an eternity when one is counting it down kilo by bloody kilo! We are going to a school social tomorrow night which makes me just a tad nervous, not for the event itself, I'm sure that's going to be great, its just that with the limited food intake a bit of alcohol can have drastic consequences! Unfortunately, I'm speaking from experience on this one, a couple of weeks ago we went to a friends fiftieth Birthday party which was fabulously done and all the who's who of Cape Town were there. I had a glass of Champagne on arrival followed by two glasses of wine, at which point the sensible me should have stopped - but OH NO, my wild side decided that a couple of Tequilas wouldn't be a sign of complete madness! The results were appalling and luckily my divine husband could foresee the tornado that was about to hit The River Cafe and gently but firmly guided me home! What I'm trying to say is when on a diet, ones food to alcohol ratio has to balance! I shall have to watch myself tomorrow night although I have sworn off Tequila forever (I think my husband is relieved!).
Tomorrow is D-Day for another mini goal so I'm holding thumbs and staying out of the fridge! x
I'm sitting outside my daughters school waiting to sign in for Hot Dog duty - I have never done this before and have no idea what is expected of me! I have lost another kilo on the scales this morning which puts me one number closer to my goal. A girlfriend commented on my blog from yesterday asking "When is it all going to end?" I have to say I feel the same way, thirteen weeks is an eternity when one is counting it down kilo by bloody kilo! We are going to a school social tomorrow night which makes me just a tad nervous, not for the event itself, I'm sure that's going to be great, its just that with the limited food intake a bit of alcohol can have drastic consequences! Unfortunately, I'm speaking from experience on this one, a couple of weeks ago we went to a friends fiftieth Birthday party which was fabulously done and all the who's who of Cape Town were there. I had a glass of Champagne on arrival followed by two glasses of wine, at which point the sensible me should have stopped - but OH NO, my wild side decided that a couple of Tequilas wouldn't be a sign of complete madness! The results were appalling and luckily my divine husband could foresee the tornado that was about to hit The River Cafe and gently but firmly guided me home! What I'm trying to say is when on a diet, ones food to alcohol ratio has to balance! I shall have to watch myself tomorrow night although I have sworn off Tequila forever (I think my husband is relieved!).
Tomorrow is D-Day for another mini goal so I'm holding thumbs and staying out of the fridge! x
Thursday, 2 June 2011
Day 73
I cant believe it has been so long since my last blog - I have missed writing so much and am very glad to be 'back in the saddle'! (You know what I mean).
I have been without any domestic help for two weeks now which can be a bit of a disaster if you are not used to doing everything yourself! (I am not used to it at all!). I was at a farewell dinner last night, bemoaning my situation, when one of my girlfriends announced that she was training herself and her family to do all the housework themselves in the unlikely event they can no-longer afford any help. I found this most peculiar on several levels ( I know this is going to come out all wrong and make me look like a lazy, spoiled elitist but its really not like that - I'm just being honest!). Firstly, I told her I thought we were all working harder and longer hours to improve our lifestyles, not make them worse. Secondly, at near fifty years old we are all trying desperately to maintain the illusion of youthful hands which is only achievable with well manicured nails and lashings of hand cream (household detergents are just no good for manicures) - not to mention the face which can be run ragged and sprout wrinkles at the mere thought of the stress of changing bed linen (my worst), hoovering and constantly picking up thousands of tiny pieces of Lego! No thank you - I have worked long and hard to be able to pay someone for that kind of help and I'm not about to give it up!
Maybe I'm feeling so emotional about this because my dear Patience has now taken six weeks holiday since the beginning of the year! She just has absolutely no grasp on how many days make a week or, more to the point, how many days there are in three weeks which is her annual leave time! About a month ago she told me she would like to go to Zimbabwe for a wedding, and since it was being held on a Saturday, would be gone for the weekend. I was curious as to how she intended on getting to and from Zimbabwe in three days?, her reply was that she would be leaving a week before the wedding and arriving home a week after the event but would still only be at the wedding for two days! I must say, the look of amazement and bewilderment on her face when I told her, that in reality, she would be away for two weeks as apposed to a long weekend was priceless!
I have to say one thing for slogging up and down stairs doing housework - its a fabulous workout! I have been doing manual labour from morning to night and the results are showing, its now quite noticeable that Ive shrunk YAY! Maybe I should be thanking Patience instead of cursing her! (I really do love her!)
I have three weeks to go before we leave for NY and I'm getting so excited. A lot can still be done weight wise in three weeks and I'm not slowing down now! x
I have been without any domestic help for two weeks now which can be a bit of a disaster if you are not used to doing everything yourself! (I am not used to it at all!). I was at a farewell dinner last night, bemoaning my situation, when one of my girlfriends announced that she was training herself and her family to do all the housework themselves in the unlikely event they can no-longer afford any help. I found this most peculiar on several levels ( I know this is going to come out all wrong and make me look like a lazy, spoiled elitist but its really not like that - I'm just being honest!). Firstly, I told her I thought we were all working harder and longer hours to improve our lifestyles, not make them worse. Secondly, at near fifty years old we are all trying desperately to maintain the illusion of youthful hands which is only achievable with well manicured nails and lashings of hand cream (household detergents are just no good for manicures) - not to mention the face which can be run ragged and sprout wrinkles at the mere thought of the stress of changing bed linen (my worst), hoovering and constantly picking up thousands of tiny pieces of Lego! No thank you - I have worked long and hard to be able to pay someone for that kind of help and I'm not about to give it up!
Maybe I'm feeling so emotional about this because my dear Patience has now taken six weeks holiday since the beginning of the year! She just has absolutely no grasp on how many days make a week or, more to the point, how many days there are in three weeks which is her annual leave time! About a month ago she told me she would like to go to Zimbabwe for a wedding, and since it was being held on a Saturday, would be gone for the weekend. I was curious as to how she intended on getting to and from Zimbabwe in three days?, her reply was that she would be leaving a week before the wedding and arriving home a week after the event but would still only be at the wedding for two days! I must say, the look of amazement and bewilderment on her face when I told her, that in reality, she would be away for two weeks as apposed to a long weekend was priceless!
I have to say one thing for slogging up and down stairs doing housework - its a fabulous workout! I have been doing manual labour from morning to night and the results are showing, its now quite noticeable that Ive shrunk YAY! Maybe I should be thanking Patience instead of cursing her! (I really do love her!)
I have three weeks to go before we leave for NY and I'm getting so excited. A lot can still be done weight wise in three weeks and I'm not slowing down now! x
Wednesday, 11 May 2011
Day 51
I have had such problems with my computer - I promise this is no weak excuse! I have resorted to coming into my husbands office to write this blog and, unfortunately, don't have much time.
Who would have thought that the sight of cheek bones and a jaw line would bring such joy! I no-longer have a face that resembles a full moon or a body that resembles a large pear. This is all very good news and most inspiring. I have kept up with the exercise which has helped so much in the change of body shape. There are now six weeks remaining in my quest to "Elldom" which may seem like a fair amount of time to some but I feel like I'm getting to the thin edge of the wedge and its Do or Die time! Please God give me the strength to see this through! x
Who would have thought that the sight of cheek bones and a jaw line would bring such joy! I no-longer have a face that resembles a full moon or a body that resembles a large pear. This is all very good news and most inspiring. I have kept up with the exercise which has helped so much in the change of body shape. There are now six weeks remaining in my quest to "Elldom" which may seem like a fair amount of time to some but I feel like I'm getting to the thin edge of the wedge and its Do or Die time! Please God give me the strength to see this through! x
Wednesday, 4 May 2011
Day 44
Things are going well. I have kept up with my regime - its the first time in ages that I have been consistent with an exercise programme, maybe I'm finally growing up (actually I hope not!).
I had some sweet revenge last night - my husband has decided he would also like to buff up before our New York trip and last night, after a day of intense restraint, he almost begged me to tell him he had already lost a fortune of weight and was looking like an athletic God (not that he used those words but I'm sure that thats what he was thinking)! Although my perception of him has always had Adonis connotations, I took great glee in telling him that not only had he not changed a bit, but as in my experience, there will be many occasions when the reflection in the mirror will be very different to what he is expecting! Maybe now he will lay off on all the chatter of leg amputations. We are quite competitive when it comes to this kind of thing and from my side, I'm really hoping that one day, in the not too distant future, the body I am visualising will indeed be steering back at me.
If I haven't reached my mini target by the end of the week, I'm sure I will only be a few silly grammes away from it! x
I had some sweet revenge last night - my husband has decided he would also like to buff up before our New York trip and last night, after a day of intense restraint, he almost begged me to tell him he had already lost a fortune of weight and was looking like an athletic God (not that he used those words but I'm sure that thats what he was thinking)! Although my perception of him has always had Adonis connotations, I took great glee in telling him that not only had he not changed a bit, but as in my experience, there will be many occasions when the reflection in the mirror will be very different to what he is expecting! Maybe now he will lay off on all the chatter of leg amputations. We are quite competitive when it comes to this kind of thing and from my side, I'm really hoping that one day, in the not too distant future, the body I am visualising will indeed be steering back at me.
If I haven't reached my mini target by the end of the week, I'm sure I will only be a few silly grammes away from it! x
Saturday, 30 April 2011
Day 40
My legs are in agony! I have been exercising myself to a standstill over the last three days and the result is I can hardly move, I'm sure it looks like I have an exercise machine up my butt when I walk, it certainly feels like it because bending my legs in one smooth movement is virtually impossible!
The weather has been really miserable over the last week but when I woke up this morning the sun was shining and a glorious warm day was dawning. We decided to make the most of it and took the dogs for a long walk/run on the beach. I somehow managed to battle through the burning pain in my legs and instead of groaning loudly (which I was desperate to do!), I concentrated on soaking up the beautiful scenery around me. Another trick that I find very helpful when I think I can go no further, is to visualize myself walking down 5th Avenue NYC in a stunning pair of Balmain jeans that I have bought myself - needless to say, they are still about two sizes too small but serve as a fabulous source of inspiration!
I'm looking forward to and, if I'm being perfectly honest, a bit nervous for my weigh-in on Thursday - I do believe that after my recent efforts it would be impossible, if not a bit soul destroying, not to have dropped my predicted three and half kilograms. Oh the tension of a number! x
The weather has been really miserable over the last week but when I woke up this morning the sun was shining and a glorious warm day was dawning. We decided to make the most of it and took the dogs for a long walk/run on the beach. I somehow managed to battle through the burning pain in my legs and instead of groaning loudly (which I was desperate to do!), I concentrated on soaking up the beautiful scenery around me. Another trick that I find very helpful when I think I can go no further, is to visualize myself walking down 5th Avenue NYC in a stunning pair of Balmain jeans that I have bought myself - needless to say, they are still about two sizes too small but serve as a fabulous source of inspiration!
I'm looking forward to and, if I'm being perfectly honest, a bit nervous for my weigh-in on Thursday - I do believe that after my recent efforts it would be impossible, if not a bit soul destroying, not to have dropped my predicted three and half kilograms. Oh the tension of a number! x
Thursday, 28 April 2011
Day 38
I'm feeling quite energised and optimistic today! The fumes of gluttony from the weekend have finally gone and I'm back on track mentally and physically.
I had a fabulous work out this morning: forty-five minutes cardio followed by one hundred lunges, fifty squats (which hurt like hell!) and some stomach crunches! To top all that my daughter asked me to walk down to the local cafe with her and a playmate so I feel Ive done my bit on the exercise front.
My husband informed me the other day that unless I report some major results soon, my followers would lose interest and stop rooting for me - he very kindly suggested that the most efficient way to do this would be to check myself into to hospital for a leg amputation (Oh yee of little faith!) and therefore be able to show some instant weight loss! Although the idea is totally outrageous (or is it?), I do get what he is saying, I have decided to give myself mini goals to keep up my momentum, and hopefully yours. Although I feel extremely grateful and sometimes a little unworthy of all your support, I am also writing this blog for selfish reasons. I find that if I face the truth and see it in black and white, my feet are kept firmly on the ground and I'm completely in touch with the reality of the situation no-matter how ugly it may be! Back to the mini goal - I am going to try my damnedest to drop three and a half kilos by next Thursday. I can just hear my girlfriends saying "Don't be ridiculous, its not possible!". Lets see, I would love to prove you wrong! x
I had a fabulous work out this morning: forty-five minutes cardio followed by one hundred lunges, fifty squats (which hurt like hell!) and some stomach crunches! To top all that my daughter asked me to walk down to the local cafe with her and a playmate so I feel Ive done my bit on the exercise front.
My husband informed me the other day that unless I report some major results soon, my followers would lose interest and stop rooting for me - he very kindly suggested that the most efficient way to do this would be to check myself into to hospital for a leg amputation (Oh yee of little faith!) and therefore be able to show some instant weight loss! Although the idea is totally outrageous (or is it?), I do get what he is saying, I have decided to give myself mini goals to keep up my momentum, and hopefully yours. Although I feel extremely grateful and sometimes a little unworthy of all your support, I am also writing this blog for selfish reasons. I find that if I face the truth and see it in black and white, my feet are kept firmly on the ground and I'm completely in touch with the reality of the situation no-matter how ugly it may be! Back to the mini goal - I am going to try my damnedest to drop three and a half kilos by next Thursday. I can just hear my girlfriends saying "Don't be ridiculous, its not possible!". Lets see, I would love to prove you wrong! x
Tuesday, 26 April 2011
Day 36
All I can say is THANK GOD the Easter Weekend is over!
Its not that I didn't have great fun with my friends, but if I had carried on eating like that for one more day, I would have gained all my lost weight! I am now in full damage control mode, thankfully, its not too much of a disaster - having said that, a disaster it remains. I don't know what is wrong with me, I left for Langebaan on Friday morning with such conviction and not an hour after unpacking, I found myself in the kitchen, salivating over all the delectable goodies everybody had brought. Am I really that weak? Am I really that greedy? I suppose I must be! I certainly didn't consume anymore than anyone else which, at the time, was a handy bargaining tool to use while wrestling with my willpower - but, then again, none of my friends need to shift vast numbers of kilograms (I find this really unfair!) so I only have myself to blame for not being more controlled.
I woke up this morning feeling so angry at the extra pressure I have now put myself under to lose the required weight in less time. I have just over eight weeks to reach my goal - which I know is possible, there is just absolutely no room for error! All I can do now is take ownership of the damage that has been done and move forward with a vengeance! x
Its not that I didn't have great fun with my friends, but if I had carried on eating like that for one more day, I would have gained all my lost weight! I am now in full damage control mode, thankfully, its not too much of a disaster - having said that, a disaster it remains. I don't know what is wrong with me, I left for Langebaan on Friday morning with such conviction and not an hour after unpacking, I found myself in the kitchen, salivating over all the delectable goodies everybody had brought. Am I really that weak? Am I really that greedy? I suppose I must be! I certainly didn't consume anymore than anyone else which, at the time, was a handy bargaining tool to use while wrestling with my willpower - but, then again, none of my friends need to shift vast numbers of kilograms (I find this really unfair!) so I only have myself to blame for not being more controlled.
I woke up this morning feeling so angry at the extra pressure I have now put myself under to lose the required weight in less time. I have just over eight weeks to reach my goal - which I know is possible, there is just absolutely no room for error! All I can do now is take ownership of the damage that has been done and move forward with a vengeance! x
Thursday, 21 April 2011
Day 31
I upgraded my modem today so hopefully things will run a bit smoother from now on.
I am just over four weeks into my quest and have lost a total of six point something (I cant remember exactly) kilograms which I think gives me permission to shout a loud HOORAY!
I am feeling much better in body and soul, I have caught a little glimpse of the future and it looks good! My Weight Watchers girlfriend told me the other day that since reaching her goal weight and getting used to her new body, she feels the same as she did before starting the diet - that's size wise. I find this revelation a bit scary - I hope I don't feel the same way after all the blood, sweat and tears I have shed to reach the finish line. While I was lying in bed the other night, over thinking as usual, it occurred to me that I would be fifty years old sometime relatively soon and the very last thing on earth I want to be is fifty and FAT! I concluded that once I have lost these unwanted kilograms, I shall have to make an heroic effort never to find them again.
A couple of years ago my husband was training flat out to cycle the mountain stages of the Tour de France (Oh yes he is that wonderful!) and in order to train at home, he bought a contraption that, once hooked onto, renders your bike stationary when riding. He has now done this for me which means I can train anytime without worrying about weather or traffic! I was chatting to my brother this morning about cycling etc. and he expressed his concern that I was doing this purely to lose weight rather than making a life-style change
and, therefore, run the risk of putting it all back on again. I do understand where he is coming from, but what I want to do is lose the weight first, then change the life-style, maybe I'm doing it back to front? I don't know, only time will tell, but for now it feels right.
The Easter weekend is looming and we are going away with some great friends. To be perfectly honest, I'm absolutely terrified of having a weak moment, letting my guard down and eating everything in sight! I'm sure when other addicts are in recovery, they avoid certain situations for fear of being tempted. The thing is, most people don't see food as the enemy and are not aware of the dangers when saying "Oh come on, one piece of chocolate wont hurt you!" The problem is it will hurt me and it takes every ounce of willpower to decline, which can be exhausting! Anyhow, I'm determined to be strong and have a divine weekend! x
I am just over four weeks into my quest and have lost a total of six point something (I cant remember exactly) kilograms which I think gives me permission to shout a loud HOORAY!
I am feeling much better in body and soul, I have caught a little glimpse of the future and it looks good! My Weight Watchers girlfriend told me the other day that since reaching her goal weight and getting used to her new body, she feels the same as she did before starting the diet - that's size wise. I find this revelation a bit scary - I hope I don't feel the same way after all the blood, sweat and tears I have shed to reach the finish line. While I was lying in bed the other night, over thinking as usual, it occurred to me that I would be fifty years old sometime relatively soon and the very last thing on earth I want to be is fifty and FAT! I concluded that once I have lost these unwanted kilograms, I shall have to make an heroic effort never to find them again.
A couple of years ago my husband was training flat out to cycle the mountain stages of the Tour de France (Oh yes he is that wonderful!) and in order to train at home, he bought a contraption that, once hooked onto, renders your bike stationary when riding. He has now done this for me which means I can train anytime without worrying about weather or traffic! I was chatting to my brother this morning about cycling etc. and he expressed his concern that I was doing this purely to lose weight rather than making a life-style change
and, therefore, run the risk of putting it all back on again. I do understand where he is coming from, but what I want to do is lose the weight first, then change the life-style, maybe I'm doing it back to front? I don't know, only time will tell, but for now it feels right.
The Easter weekend is looming and we are going away with some great friends. To be perfectly honest, I'm absolutely terrified of having a weak moment, letting my guard down and eating everything in sight! I'm sure when other addicts are in recovery, they avoid certain situations for fear of being tempted. The thing is, most people don't see food as the enemy and are not aware of the dangers when saying "Oh come on, one piece of chocolate wont hurt you!" The problem is it will hurt me and it takes every ounce of willpower to decline, which can be exhausting! Anyhow, I'm determined to be strong and have a divine weekend! x
Monday, 18 April 2011
Day 28
I wish I had more patience, I have been so strict with myself over the last week and although the scales show results I still blinking well cant see any difference! Its such a pain in the butt because I feel like I should be looking skinny and once again I am expecting to see Pamela Anderson's body in the mirror - its so frustrating!I guess it is Monday morning and as I said before, I hate Mondays. I can almost hear the collective sigh of "Oh dear, here we go again, she's going to change tack, and try something else!". Not so, I'm sticking to my guns on this one, Ive tried and tested the diet and I know it works, its just agonizingly rigid and I'm convinced there are twenty-eight hours in the day - it just seems to go on forever.
We went out for breakfast with my husbands parents yesterday morning and when it came time to order, my skinny mother in law ( who I adore) declined the offer, saying she had already eaten - I just don't understand how people have such willpower when they don't need it? If she ate a full English breakfast every day for the next six months she would still look like a Match with the wood scraped off! Maybe she secretly hooks herself up to a drip of vitamins every night to sustain her energy (which she has in abundance). I don't know, some of us are just blessed with good genes and others (like me) have to spend a fortune on buying good jeans to look semi respectable!
I think I may have succeeded in venting some of my frustration so I am going to sign off and face the day with SureSlim gusto! x
We went out for breakfast with my husbands parents yesterday morning and when it came time to order, my skinny mother in law ( who I adore) declined the offer, saying she had already eaten - I just don't understand how people have such willpower when they don't need it? If she ate a full English breakfast every day for the next six months she would still look like a Match with the wood scraped off! Maybe she secretly hooks herself up to a drip of vitamins every night to sustain her energy (which she has in abundance). I don't know, some of us are just blessed with good genes and others (like me) have to spend a fortune on buying good jeans to look semi respectable!
I think I may have succeeded in venting some of my frustration so I am going to sign off and face the day with SureSlim gusto! x
Friday, 15 April 2011
Day 25
I woke up in the early hours of this morning and lay there thinking, which can cause all sorts of problems as I tend to over think and eventually nothing makes sense! Last night, the only thing on my mind was food and how much I should or shouldn't be eating, which made me realise, how much of our daily life revolves around food! Im not sure if my thoughts were heightened by my current situation or, if indeed, this is true. Take the Queen of Weight Watchers for example, she has lost a fortune of weight on her diet and swears it has now become a lifestyle, but is still constantly thinking about and planning her next meal. Most celebrations are centred around people getting together and eating - on our first birthday, we are placed in front of a table bulging with yummy treats that are normally out of bounds (except the Jehovah's Witness folk who don't celebrate birthdays) and from then on, every birthday is associated with food. Even at my ripe old age I like to be taken to some fabulous restaurant for dinner to celebrate yet another year down the track. Weddings, Christenings and even Funerals are occasions where food plays a part, each having their own culinary tradition. Religions are also differentiated by food - the Muslims and Jews, for example, don't eat Pork and Christians only eat fish on a Friday, not to mention the countless religious holidays where food (and an obscene amount of it), defines the specific occasion and we spend months plotting and planning the menus. Its no wonder so many of us have a warped idea of how much we should eat - its all we ever talk about! My very wise Grandmother once said that all men think about are their stomachs and what hangs off them!
You can see why it could be dangerous for me to think too much in the wee hours of the morning. Having offloaded all that trivia, I have to say, my diet is going extremely well - I have lost another kilogram and besides being a tad ratty yesterday, I'm feeling quite pleased with myself and with the pace things are finally moving! My husband and I have planned an alcohol-free weekend (Oh God, I can just hear all my girlfriends groaning and thinking how boring!) and plenty of cycling, so here's to a great weekend! x
You can see why it could be dangerous for me to think too much in the wee hours of the morning. Having offloaded all that trivia, I have to say, my diet is going extremely well - I have lost another kilogram and besides being a tad ratty yesterday, I'm feeling quite pleased with myself and with the pace things are finally moving! My husband and I have planned an alcohol-free weekend (Oh God, I can just hear all my girlfriends groaning and thinking how boring!) and plenty of cycling, so here's to a great weekend! x
Thursday, 14 April 2011
Day 24
YES! YES! YES!
No, I'm not doing a Meg Ryan (When Harry met Sally), although I am a huge fan. I'm just so excited that this new angle is working, I have lost one kilogram in two days and I'm feeling great! Its like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders and someone else has taken over my problem - all I need to do is follow the rules and the rest will happen, what a relief! I now understand that some people can create their own eating patterns and manage to stick to them, I am not one of those people, I need to know that I'm adhering to the advice of those who know better and not leaving things to chance. Its amazing how much more in control I feel.
I know this is short and to the point but there is not much else going on - Oh Actually, I have had a couple of restless nights. My children have managed to dovetail coming down with a nasty flu - my daughter fell prey to it on Sunday and only went back to school today and my son started last night, so for the last four nights Ive been checking temperatures, stripping off duvets and administering medicine. Anyhow , I'm off to do some exercise and try and have a nap before the school run! x
No, I'm not doing a Meg Ryan (When Harry met Sally), although I am a huge fan. I'm just so excited that this new angle is working, I have lost one kilogram in two days and I'm feeling great! Its like a huge burden has been lifted from my shoulders and someone else has taken over my problem - all I need to do is follow the rules and the rest will happen, what a relief! I now understand that some people can create their own eating patterns and manage to stick to them, I am not one of those people, I need to know that I'm adhering to the advice of those who know better and not leaving things to chance. Its amazing how much more in control I feel.
I know this is short and to the point but there is not much else going on - Oh Actually, I have had a couple of restless nights. My children have managed to dovetail coming down with a nasty flu - my daughter fell prey to it on Sunday and only went back to school today and my son started last night, so for the last four nights Ive been checking temperatures, stripping off duvets and administering medicine. Anyhow , I'm off to do some exercise and try and have a nap before the school run! x
Tuesday, 12 April 2011
Day 22
I hate Mondays and I hate term time! I know we are doing the best for our children by sending them off to school but my family seems to function so much better when we are all together.
The rest of our weekend away was divine, Monday morning however, brought on a serious case of 'the blues' and I found myself comfort eating through most of the day. NOT GOOD! Everything changed last night though, when, my husband and I went off to see Neil Diamond - the experience was so fantastic from beginning to end that my faith in the joy of life was renewed and I once again felt inspired to follow the path I have set out for myself! I weighed myself this morning with trepidation and I hate to say I'm exactly the same as I was this time last week - SCREAM!!!! Its so disheartening, but instead of burying myself in a large bag of Cheese Puffs, (which is what I would normally do) I sat down and really analysed what I was doing and where I was going wrong. I realized that the only person I was fooling by so-called "cutting back" was fat old me! My husband (who is irritatingly right about most things) pointed out to me that I only have two settings - stop and go! Its clear to me now that I cant possibly achieve my goal by doing this 'healthy eating in moderation' thing, I function far better with strict rules and clear boundaries. I have decided to put myself back on my faithful SureSlim diet which has really worked for me in the past and the results are quick yet sustainable. I know I can lose the weight I need to in the remaining ten weeks, I just have to keep my eye on the prize (which is a fabulous pair of black leather shinny jeans!) , my hands off the fridge door and my mouth closed! It doesn't sound that hard? I do agree that I have chopped and changed a bit, but please don't give up on me because I'm not giving up on myself! x
The rest of our weekend away was divine, Monday morning however, brought on a serious case of 'the blues' and I found myself comfort eating through most of the day. NOT GOOD! Everything changed last night though, when, my husband and I went off to see Neil Diamond - the experience was so fantastic from beginning to end that my faith in the joy of life was renewed and I once again felt inspired to follow the path I have set out for myself! I weighed myself this morning with trepidation and I hate to say I'm exactly the same as I was this time last week - SCREAM!!!! Its so disheartening, but instead of burying myself in a large bag of Cheese Puffs, (which is what I would normally do) I sat down and really analysed what I was doing and where I was going wrong. I realized that the only person I was fooling by so-called "cutting back" was fat old me! My husband (who is irritatingly right about most things) pointed out to me that I only have two settings - stop and go! Its clear to me now that I cant possibly achieve my goal by doing this 'healthy eating in moderation' thing, I function far better with strict rules and clear boundaries. I have decided to put myself back on my faithful SureSlim diet which has really worked for me in the past and the results are quick yet sustainable. I know I can lose the weight I need to in the remaining ten weeks, I just have to keep my eye on the prize (which is a fabulous pair of black leather shinny jeans!) , my hands off the fridge door and my mouth closed! It doesn't sound that hard? I do agree that I have chopped and changed a bit, but please don't give up on me because I'm not giving up on myself! x
Saturday, 9 April 2011
Day 19 ps
Actually, the main reason for my lack of concentration was that I couldn't stop thinking about the leftover crayfish in the fridge - it was DELICIOUS!x
Day 19
Imagine this scene: salt on your skin, sand between your toes, a perfect sunset, chilled white wine and a bulging platter of crayfish! Its BLISS.
We woke up early this morning to yet another beautiful day and went cycling for a respectable amount of time. I don't have any method of weighing myself here but, given what I have eaten, I'm sure I will have a successful weigh in on Monday - its quite amazing how easy and more pleasant it is to eat well when you surround yourself with interesting, fat free healthy food! I don't feel I'm depriving myself and yet still woke up this morning full of energy and not a hangover in sight. The lack of hanging is most definitely due to the Light Wine, I find I can drink almost twice as much without leaving my name at the bottom of a bottle or behaving like a Bat (as in hanging) the next morning. Oh dear, it is starting to sound like I might have developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, I can assure you this is not the case, its just such a pleasure to put oneself on a diet and not have to give up all the social niceties!
The boys have all gone off fishing on the boat so we are looking forward to some fresh fish for dinner. Aside from the eternal sound of the lapping waves, the house is quite and still and I'm finding it hard to concentrate. I'm off to soak up the day!x
We woke up early this morning to yet another beautiful day and went cycling for a respectable amount of time. I don't have any method of weighing myself here but, given what I have eaten, I'm sure I will have a successful weigh in on Monday - its quite amazing how easy and more pleasant it is to eat well when you surround yourself with interesting, fat free healthy food! I don't feel I'm depriving myself and yet still woke up this morning full of energy and not a hangover in sight. The lack of hanging is most definitely due to the Light Wine, I find I can drink almost twice as much without leaving my name at the bottom of a bottle or behaving like a Bat (as in hanging) the next morning. Oh dear, it is starting to sound like I might have developed an unhealthy relationship with alcohol, I can assure you this is not the case, its just such a pleasure to put oneself on a diet and not have to give up all the social niceties!
The boys have all gone off fishing on the boat so we are looking forward to some fresh fish for dinner. Aside from the eternal sound of the lapping waves, the house is quite and still and I'm finding it hard to concentrate. I'm off to soak up the day!x
Friday, 8 April 2011
Day 18
My husband has been in Johannesburg on business for two days and the result is I have had very little sleep! I find it very hard to have a restful night when he is away and Wednesday night was no exception, I woke up at about three in the morning and managed to turn many little mole hills into huge mountains! Tiredness was the last thing I needed yesterday morning as I had to be on good form to pack for four days away in Paternoster. We arrived at our beach house at about five in the evening and the breath taking view that hit me from the deck was worth the slog to get here - we will be staying until Sunday with divine friends and I know its going to be spectacular!
I'm sure you all know that weekends away can entail a lot of unnecessary eating which for me in my current situation would not be a good idea - luckily, the couple that we are with are the King and Queen of Weight Watchers so although there is an abundance of food, (my girlfriend is the "Go large or go home" type and is very good at it!) its all slimming and healthy. I mentioned in my last blog that I needed to step things up a notch and I'm intent on doing just that! I'm hoping to lose at least three kilograms in the next week.
As I have written previously, at the end of my thirteen weeks my husband and I are going to New York for a much needed break from work and parenting and, if all goes according to plan, Ell as apposed to Butterball will be climbing the stairs to board that plane! I was discussing this with my husband the other night expecting his response to be something along the lines of - yes darling, you are going to be so skinny! - but instead he said "Now look, rather than aiming for the impossible, why don't you count your small victories and be happy with achieving a kind of pleasant chubbiness!" Oh yes he did! Although my knee jerk reaction was to laugh uncontrollably I also thought, you bastard, ( in the most loving was of course) Ill show you that I can do this and come June you'll be begging me to eat something for fear of fading away! Oh how I long for someone to say that to me! x
I'm sure you all know that weekends away can entail a lot of unnecessary eating which for me in my current situation would not be a good idea - luckily, the couple that we are with are the King and Queen of Weight Watchers so although there is an abundance of food, (my girlfriend is the "Go large or go home" type and is very good at it!) its all slimming and healthy. I mentioned in my last blog that I needed to step things up a notch and I'm intent on doing just that! I'm hoping to lose at least three kilograms in the next week.
As I have written previously, at the end of my thirteen weeks my husband and I are going to New York for a much needed break from work and parenting and, if all goes according to plan, Ell as apposed to Butterball will be climbing the stairs to board that plane! I was discussing this with my husband the other night expecting his response to be something along the lines of - yes darling, you are going to be so skinny! - but instead he said "Now look, rather than aiming for the impossible, why don't you count your small victories and be happy with achieving a kind of pleasant chubbiness!" Oh yes he did! Although my knee jerk reaction was to laugh uncontrollably I also thought, you bastard, ( in the most loving was of course) Ill show you that I can do this and come June you'll be begging me to eat something for fear of fading away! Oh how I long for someone to say that to me! x
Wednesday, 6 April 2011
Day 16
I'm really not skipping days intentionally, the problem has been with my computer and since I don't posses an I.T. bone in my body, I have had to rely on the help of others. Luckily I have a brother in law who loves to solve these kind of problems and is very good at it, so its thanks to him that I'm able to write today. Anyhow, back to the task at hand, I shall have to be brief because I'm expected for drinks with the girls in thirty minutes - which I hate to be late for in case I miss out on any gossip!
I woke up yesterday morning feeling so much better and , to my great relief, I had not gained any weight from my hopeless weekend. I hadn't lost any either but, as of this morning, I'm three kilograms down from my starting point which I think is worth a pat on the back! Although I'm pleased with my results, I realise I do need to step things up a notch or two in order to achieve my goals and I REFUSE to shift the goal posts or take an easier option - its all or nothing and I'm choosing the "all" option.
I have received so many messages of encouragement from people that are reading my blog and while I'm genuinely grateful for the support I find myself wondering why nobody came forward before and just said "Do something about yourself, you are a fat greedy pig!" Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind, maybe they wanted to say something but just didn't know how to word it so that it didn't sound like quite as dismal a situation as it is - well guys I have finally figured it out for myself and I am doing something about it so please don't stop the support! x
I woke up yesterday morning feeling so much better and , to my great relief, I had not gained any weight from my hopeless weekend. I hadn't lost any either but, as of this morning, I'm three kilograms down from my starting point which I think is worth a pat on the back! Although I'm pleased with my results, I realise I do need to step things up a notch or two in order to achieve my goals and I REFUSE to shift the goal posts or take an easier option - its all or nothing and I'm choosing the "all" option.
I have received so many messages of encouragement from people that are reading my blog and while I'm genuinely grateful for the support I find myself wondering why nobody came forward before and just said "Do something about yourself, you are a fat greedy pig!" Sometimes you've got to be cruel to be kind, maybe they wanted to say something but just didn't know how to word it so that it didn't sound like quite as dismal a situation as it is - well guys I have finally figured it out for myself and I am doing something about it so please don't stop the support! x
Monday, 4 April 2011
Day 14
I have good news and bad news. The good news is that my computer is finally up and running again having been on the blink for two days - the bad news is that the last two days have been a total disaster!! I don't know if this can be attributed to the fact that I knew I couldn't write and therefore wouldn't have to confess my sins, or because it was the weekend (I find it very hard to restrain myself on weekends) and my resistance crumbled. It all started off very well, I was a poster-girl of moderation at the drinks party on Friday night, I took my bottle of Light Wine and didn't drink anything else or eat any of the deliciously tempting snacks. My girlfriend, who was hosting, works at one of the leading cookery schools in the country so produces wave after wave of the most divine food!
On Saturday morning my husband and I got up early feeling very fresh as well as very smug about the fact that we did feel fresh, and went cycling. Success at last! We completed a thirty kilometre cycle in just under and hour and a half and I didn't once get off and push - it felt good and I made my husband proud which felt better than the accomplishment itself! Unfortunately, from there everything went pear-shaped, I was so hungry I ate everything in sight and couldn't stop myself until, feeling like a Tick, I rolled into bed on Sunday night - it was a MESS. I woke up this morning feeling really angry with myself for allowing this old pattern of weakness to creep back, but I also felt a renewed sense of determination to beat this addiction and own my willpower to succeed. I resisted getting on the scales for fear of feeling more self loathing, instead I got on my walking machine and did a very respectable workout - I have also been strong on the eating front so I'm feeling much better about things this afternoon! I decided a bit of retail therapy this morning would do wonders for my self esteem, theres nothing like a Jimmy Choo bag to cheer you up.
I realise after chatting to some of my friends, there is still some confusion over what I'm trying to achieve by wanting to re-invent myself and documenting it. I'm not trying to change my personality or who I am, I'm wanting to lose weight, get healthy and rediscover myself. In order to make it fun and interesting I decided to change my look in the process. The name change and new tattoo are the personal rewards I'm promising myself to give me something to work towards, not that I'm unhappy with my name, its just that Ive had it for forty-six years so why not have a change? - as for making all this public through the blog, I find that feeling compelled to write each day and to be brutally honest about what I have or haven't done, is a huge inspiration to finish my mission! x
On Saturday morning my husband and I got up early feeling very fresh as well as very smug about the fact that we did feel fresh, and went cycling. Success at last! We completed a thirty kilometre cycle in just under and hour and a half and I didn't once get off and push - it felt good and I made my husband proud which felt better than the accomplishment itself! Unfortunately, from there everything went pear-shaped, I was so hungry I ate everything in sight and couldn't stop myself until, feeling like a Tick, I rolled into bed on Sunday night - it was a MESS. I woke up this morning feeling really angry with myself for allowing this old pattern of weakness to creep back, but I also felt a renewed sense of determination to beat this addiction and own my willpower to succeed. I resisted getting on the scales for fear of feeling more self loathing, instead I got on my walking machine and did a very respectable workout - I have also been strong on the eating front so I'm feeling much better about things this afternoon! I decided a bit of retail therapy this morning would do wonders for my self esteem, theres nothing like a Jimmy Choo bag to cheer you up.
I realise after chatting to some of my friends, there is still some confusion over what I'm trying to achieve by wanting to re-invent myself and documenting it. I'm not trying to change my personality or who I am, I'm wanting to lose weight, get healthy and rediscover myself. In order to make it fun and interesting I decided to change my look in the process. The name change and new tattoo are the personal rewards I'm promising myself to give me something to work towards, not that I'm unhappy with my name, its just that Ive had it for forty-six years so why not have a change? - as for making all this public through the blog, I find that feeling compelled to write each day and to be brutally honest about what I have or haven't done, is a huge inspiration to finish my mission! x
Friday, 1 April 2011
Day 11
Its late afternoon and for some reason I'm feeling very run down and tired - I was under the impression that regular exercise and a healthy diet was supposed to energise one, well its not happening today! There are, however, a number of reasons (other than dietary) that can attribute to my lethargy, one could be because its the end of the school week and therefore I am five days down of fighting to get everyone up, filling lunchboxes, completing endless forms to send back to school, doing homework and then fighting to get everyone into bed! Thinking about it, I'm amazed I still wonder why I have no time for myself ! Thank heaven its school holidays, at least the children can sleep late and I can do some early morning exercise. The other reason why I could be feeling tired is, being the last day of school and given that both my darlings got very good reports, I promised them an afternoon of shopping at Canal Walk. For those lucky few who have never been there, let me tell you it is HUGE and NOISY and very BUSY,it seemed like the world and his wife had the same idea as us. We must have walked for three hours non stop, looking in every toy shop imaginable. I'm sure I must have shed some weight - I know my wallet did!
My dear brother, the one that lives in Cape Town, (I'm lucky enough to have two very loving and supportive older brothers) phoned me today to suggest that I join this girls mountain bike training group. It sounds like a good idea and I think I'm going to look into it. I always pay attention to his advise because, not only do I know he wants the best for me, but he, and my stick thin sister in law who always looks like a supermodel, are very into their cycling and like my husband know far more about the whole thing than I do! I'm going cycling early tomorrow morning so will report back later in the day, hopefully with more of a success story than the last time.
I have just seen the time and realise that I'm supposed to be at a drinks party (I shall take my Light Wine!) in thirty minutes so I'm off to make myself look beautiful! x
My dear brother, the one that lives in Cape Town, (I'm lucky enough to have two very loving and supportive older brothers) phoned me today to suggest that I join this girls mountain bike training group. It sounds like a good idea and I think I'm going to look into it. I always pay attention to his advise because, not only do I know he wants the best for me, but he, and my stick thin sister in law who always looks like a supermodel, are very into their cycling and like my husband know far more about the whole thing than I do! I'm going cycling early tomorrow morning so will report back later in the day, hopefully with more of a success story than the last time.
I have just seen the time and realise that I'm supposed to be at a drinks party (I shall take my Light Wine!) in thirty minutes so I'm off to make myself look beautiful! x
Thursday, 31 March 2011
Day 10
I cant believe that I'm ten days into my quest and still not rail thin - how long will this take? I know I'm being a little unreasonable but Ive always been one of those instant gratification types who needs to see results NOW! I put myself on the scales this morning and, although I hadn't gone down much since Tuesday, I'm starting to see a change in body shape which is very encouraging.
Do you remember the other day I was talking about whether or not there are such things as coincidences? Well, this morning I was at the Beauty Salon having the essentials done and while I was lying there I was thinking how divine it would be to really indulge myself with some treatments that weren't necessary but fabulous! When I opened my e-mails this afternoon, I saw that my darling brother and his wife, who live in New York, had sent me an extremely generous online voucher for a Health Spa. To be honest, I was so overwhelmed with the loving thought that I burst into tears and phoned my husband who couldn't make out what I was saying because I was crying so hard. His immediate reaction, when he finally managed to make sense of it, was relief that nothing terrible had happened which soon turned to totall disbelief that he had been pulled out of a meeting on account of me being hysterical over receiving a gift! I must say, looking at it from his perspective, it does make me out to be slightly unhinged although I like to see it as sensitive.
Having got over my outburst I read another message from an old friend, currently living in L.A., (and reading my blog!) who said he remembers me as a "Hot babe" and that when he sees me again is fully expecting me to look like I did at seventeen! I went into a cold sweat realising how far this blogging had reached and the enormous pressure I have put myself under to succeed! I have resisted phoning my husband back with this disturbing realization and decided my only option is to succeed, so I'm off to do some exercise! x
Do you remember the other day I was talking about whether or not there are such things as coincidences? Well, this morning I was at the Beauty Salon having the essentials done and while I was lying there I was thinking how divine it would be to really indulge myself with some treatments that weren't necessary but fabulous! When I opened my e-mails this afternoon, I saw that my darling brother and his wife, who live in New York, had sent me an extremely generous online voucher for a Health Spa. To be honest, I was so overwhelmed with the loving thought that I burst into tears and phoned my husband who couldn't make out what I was saying because I was crying so hard. His immediate reaction, when he finally managed to make sense of it, was relief that nothing terrible had happened which soon turned to totall disbelief that he had been pulled out of a meeting on account of me being hysterical over receiving a gift! I must say, looking at it from his perspective, it does make me out to be slightly unhinged although I like to see it as sensitive.
Having got over my outburst I read another message from an old friend, currently living in L.A., (and reading my blog!) who said he remembers me as a "Hot babe" and that when he sees me again is fully expecting me to look like I did at seventeen! I went into a cold sweat realising how far this blogging had reached and the enormous pressure I have put myself under to succeed! I have resisted phoning my husband back with this disturbing realization and decided my only option is to succeed, so I'm off to do some exercise! x
Wednesday, 30 March 2011
Day 9
Having taken a duvet day yesterday which,by the way, is highly recommended, I have been so busy today that this is the first opportunity I have had to sit down and write! I had coffee with one of my oldest and dearest friends this morning. I have known her and her beloved sister for over forty years, and no matter where we are in the world the three of us always come together as though no time had passed at all, we have experienced most of our first times together and I would like to think we will still be together to experience our last times. Out of the many topics we chatted about two things stand out, the first being that she asked me what my blog was all about having not read it herself, but been informed by another friend that, having read parts of it, he did not understood what it was about or what I was trying to achieve by writing it. I began to wonder whether this was because he was male and just didn't get it (although I have quite a few male followers) or maybe these are just erratic ramblings that don't make much sense to anyone else. I started explaining to her why I was doing this and found it quite difficult to put into words - I'm not giving diet tips or advocating any particular diet and I'm not recommending an exercise regime so thinking about it, I'm really just talking more about my personal journey to health and fitness as apposed to the hard facts of the process, does that make sense? After going into raptures about this my girlfriend looked at me quizzically, which she often does because she thinks most things I do are pretty daft and shes probably right, but also being the same size ( which is reed thin) that she was at sixteen after three children, she doesn't understand the agony of weight gain!
The other thing that happened was that she produced a variety of photographs of us ranging from the age of about eighteen to twenty-two, seeing these youthful wrinkle free faces smiling back at me made me realize how much time we wasted on ridiculous insecurities in those days instead of being grateful for our young beauty - HOW I WISH WE COULD TURN THE CLOCK BACK!! Anyway, I know that's not possible so I'm going to work with what Ive got - and work I did this afternoon! My husband came home early to announce that he was taking me on a cycle up the mountain in Tokai. My first reaction was to point out that it was pouring with rain but I was told that these were excellent cycling conditions. I realised half way up the first hill exactly how much training I have to do in order to complete this race we are doing in September! Quite frankly, we could have been in a snow storm and I would not have noticed - I was too busy gasping for breath and trying to block out the red hot burning pain in my legs - Good God - it was awful! It was only on the way down the mountain that I began to notice the beautiful trees and fresh smells after the rains and the slight mist rolling in around us. I was feeling quite proud of myself until my husband informed me we had only covered a twentieth of the route! One has to start somewhere and it just makes me more determined to do better next time!x
The other thing that happened was that she produced a variety of photographs of us ranging from the age of about eighteen to twenty-two, seeing these youthful wrinkle free faces smiling back at me made me realize how much time we wasted on ridiculous insecurities in those days instead of being grateful for our young beauty - HOW I WISH WE COULD TURN THE CLOCK BACK!! Anyway, I know that's not possible so I'm going to work with what Ive got - and work I did this afternoon! My husband came home early to announce that he was taking me on a cycle up the mountain in Tokai. My first reaction was to point out that it was pouring with rain but I was told that these were excellent cycling conditions. I realised half way up the first hill exactly how much training I have to do in order to complete this race we are doing in September! Quite frankly, we could have been in a snow storm and I would not have noticed - I was too busy gasping for breath and trying to block out the red hot burning pain in my legs - Good God - it was awful! It was only on the way down the mountain that I began to notice the beautiful trees and fresh smells after the rains and the slight mist rolling in around us. I was feeling quite proud of myself until my husband informed me we had only covered a twentieth of the route! One has to start somewhere and it just makes me more determined to do better next time!x
Tuesday, 29 March 2011
Day 8
I'm one week down on my road to health and beauty and I have managed to scrape through with the required loss of 2 kilograms a week! I don't know how I achieved this because my resolve has certainly not been consistent, but I intend to change that and hopefully the next week wont be such a struggle to stay on the straight and narrow. I am actually writing this from my sick bed having been rudely awakened by a very nauseous stomach at about two in the morning and haven't had much rest since! I'm going to attempt to get some sleep now so I can wake up strong and healthy tomorrow and ready to tackle week two! x
Monday, 28 March 2011
Dat 7
I woke up this morning and decided enough is enough! I just cant live with this unwanted blubber any longer - something must happen, and happen now before it drives me to dementia! You might have gathered that I'm not feeling particularly at peace this morning, ( I guess it is Monday) I need to see some change for all my hard work. Maybe I'm just not working hard enough - maybe I must think of this as the United Nations attacking Libya to restore peace, my butt is about the size of Libya so it shouldn't be to hard to imagine. I'm just full of self loathing this morning, probably because if I have to be brutally honest with myself I haven't been as strict on the diet side as I should have been. Its a bit of a vicious circle when you start to do some real training in conjunction with cutting the calories because I find I'm more hungry that ever and its easy to justify that extra consumption because of the exercise! I have read so many times that a successful shrinkage of size is down to 70% diet and 30% exercise and at the moment I think I have that ratio the wrong way round!
I was chatting with my mother in law the other day and she told me about this fascinating article she was reading on coincidences (she reads a lot!). Its about how we often say 'Oh what a coincidence!' but maybe, there is no such thing as a coincidence at all and these affirmations or occurrences are part of our destined paths and, therefore, meant to be. For example, my husband and I are going to New York in June without the children for a week of adult fun and shopping - on the day we booked the tickets, both times I turned the radio on in the car, the song "New York" by Alecia Keyes was playing - now is that a coincidence or is it a sign from some destinal force telling me that I'm doing the right thing? To bring things back to my current dilemma, this morning on my way home from dropping Daisy at school I was wondering if I shouldn't enquire about some slimming treatments to spur me on and when I got home there was a pamphlet in the letter box about just that! You see, we just don't know if its a hap- hassid collision of thought and happening or if its a calculated occurrence from our source of destiny? Anyhow I'm approaching today and the future with the steely determination of a fighter jet pilot over Tripoli! x
I was chatting with my mother in law the other day and she told me about this fascinating article she was reading on coincidences (she reads a lot!). Its about how we often say 'Oh what a coincidence!' but maybe, there is no such thing as a coincidence at all and these affirmations or occurrences are part of our destined paths and, therefore, meant to be. For example, my husband and I are going to New York in June without the children for a week of adult fun and shopping - on the day we booked the tickets, both times I turned the radio on in the car, the song "New York" by Alecia Keyes was playing - now is that a coincidence or is it a sign from some destinal force telling me that I'm doing the right thing? To bring things back to my current dilemma, this morning on my way home from dropping Daisy at school I was wondering if I shouldn't enquire about some slimming treatments to spur me on and when I got home there was a pamphlet in the letter box about just that! You see, we just don't know if its a hap- hassid collision of thought and happening or if its a calculated occurrence from our source of destiny? Anyhow I'm approaching today and the future with the steely determination of a fighter jet pilot over Tripoli! x
Sunday, 27 March 2011
Day 6
I think I am finally starting to understand why so many people are crazy about cycling - I used to watch these folk on the roads, up the mountains and in the forest cycling like mad, and wonder why on earth anyone, used to their creature comforts, would want to put themselves through such and unpleasant ordeal! Well this weekend my husband and I did two early morning 15-20 kilometre rides and much to my surprise it was great. We set off early in the morning just as the farm life around Worcester was waking up and other than a few hungover farm labourers, we were the only people on the road. The sun had just risen and the air was still fresh with the mixed smells of grapes and livestock, it really made me feel alive and exhilarated! I'm not going to make out that its all peaches and cream quite yet - I still haven't acquired the taste for a mouthful of bugs or gotten used to the feeling of a saddle up my butt, but I think this will come with time (actually it feels like the saddle is STILL up my butt!). I asked my husband if there wasn't some type of mask or filter that you could wear over your mouth and he looked at me incredulously and said he wouldn't dignify that with and answer so I take it that there isn't - I'm still surprised nobody has thought of it though. The other thing I was scowled at for was enquiring if there weren't more comfortable saddles to be had - I clearly still have a lot to learn about this sport but judging by the pain in my thighs I think this can only be good for my quest in transformation.
While I was writing my blog yesterday outside our tent I had several of the Grade Two parents asking what I was doing and for the first time I can remember I felt very shy and vulnerable, I was embarrassed to talk about my endeavours and I still cant figure out why? I just kind of sat there and giggled foolishly which is so unlike me, normally I'm too honest and outspoken, sometimes at the expense of other peoples feelings, so why is this getting to me. Maybe its the first time I'm letting my insecurities be known, or maybe I'm just terrified of failing so publicly. I don't know but it was a very strange experience for me, perhaps having these feelings of insecurity are part of the process of getting in touch with the real me again so that I can emerge stronger and healthier in body and soul - bear me out on spirituality, after all it is Sunday! x
While I was writing my blog yesterday outside our tent I had several of the Grade Two parents asking what I was doing and for the first time I can remember I felt very shy and vulnerable, I was embarrassed to talk about my endeavours and I still cant figure out why? I just kind of sat there and giggled foolishly which is so unlike me, normally I'm too honest and outspoken, sometimes at the expense of other peoples feelings, so why is this getting to me. Maybe its the first time I'm letting my insecurities be known, or maybe I'm just terrified of failing so publicly. I don't know but it was a very strange experience for me, perhaps having these feelings of insecurity are part of the process of getting in touch with the real me again so that I can emerge stronger and healthier in body and soul - bear me out on spirituality, after all it is Sunday! x
Saturday, 26 March 2011
Day 5
I am very thankful that taking ones bathroom scales on a camping trip would be deemed vain and obsessive and therefore frowned upon! Sadly my eating plan didn't work out as I expected it to yesterday so I don't think those scales would have been very kind this morning. I had bought all these divine goodies with my son, Jasper in mind who measures the success of a weekend away on yummy things to eat (I must point out that he doesn't have a food issue just a weekend sweet tooth). The problem is that two hours before we were due to leave for our camp he announced, all of eight years old, that he would not be joining us for the trip but would be going to his friend Dan down the road instead. I was quite shocked at the courage of his conviction and then it dawned on me that he was growing up and asserting his Independence - he had decided that spending the weekend with his best friend would be preferable to two nights with twenty screaming, teasing eight year old girls and if I look at it from his perspective I don't blame him! I have heard that the biggest gift you can ever give your children is Independence - Its just so hard to do.
Sometimes I feel that the reason why I find it hard to let go is because I'm a bit of a control freak, actually when I think about it its not so much a control freak but I just like things done the right way! For example, over the years we have collected quite a lot of interesting decorative objects which I have strategically arranged to look casual on various coffee tables, bookshelves and desks throughout the house. Our very long suffering house keeper, aptly named Patience, will swoop through the house everyday with her duster in hand and NEVER put things back the way they were - I find it excruciating! So every day I have to follow her path and re-arrange everything so that their placement makes sense, I sometimes think she does this to annoy me because she is convinced I am quite mad, which is totally possible as my most of my Mums family was completely batty! Some of my girlfriends will, on arrival, ask where they should put their belongings for fear of spoiling the look,even though I'm aware that they are doing this tongue in cheek, I still suggest the best place for them to set their things down. Oh dear, maybe I really am a control freak, but I do think that this is why I'm not prepared to give up on my body - I'm just not ready to resign myself to being a nearly fifty year old mother and housewife and therefore shouldn't bother or have the time to worry about what I look like. When I see myself in the mirror I know that the arrangement just isn't right or appealing to look at so I will soldier on in my quest for visual harmony! x
Sometimes I feel that the reason why I find it hard to let go is because I'm a bit of a control freak, actually when I think about it its not so much a control freak but I just like things done the right way! For example, over the years we have collected quite a lot of interesting decorative objects which I have strategically arranged to look casual on various coffee tables, bookshelves and desks throughout the house. Our very long suffering house keeper, aptly named Patience, will swoop through the house everyday with her duster in hand and NEVER put things back the way they were - I find it excruciating! So every day I have to follow her path and re-arrange everything so that their placement makes sense, I sometimes think she does this to annoy me because she is convinced I am quite mad, which is totally possible as my most of my Mums family was completely batty! Some of my girlfriends will, on arrival, ask where they should put their belongings for fear of spoiling the look,even though I'm aware that they are doing this tongue in cheek, I still suggest the best place for them to set their things down. Oh dear, maybe I really am a control freak, but I do think that this is why I'm not prepared to give up on my body - I'm just not ready to resign myself to being a nearly fifty year old mother and housewife and therefore shouldn't bother or have the time to worry about what I look like. When I see myself in the mirror I know that the arrangement just isn't right or appealing to look at so I will soldier on in my quest for visual harmony! x
Friday, 25 March 2011
Day 4
The first three days of going cold turkey on an addiction are reported to be the worst. Breaking the addiction to food is no less painful! I woke up this morning with my stomach empty fully believing that with the last three days of pain and dedication I would look in the mirror and be as thin as a hair - sadly this was not the case, in fact, I cant see any change at all. I foolishly stood there looking at myself thinking any minute now the image staring back at me is going to morph into the body of Pamela Anderson with my face and her hair and tan, believe it or not this did not happen - I was stunned! I think that today is going to be one of those tough and emotional times I spoke of in my first blog, but will I give up? Hell to the no - I am a fighter and I will fight.
I managed to stop smoking about two years ago, it was overnight, I went to sleep a dedicated smoker and woke up the next morning with no desire ever to smoke again and have never looked back, not even being tempted through the trauma of my poor Mums death or the stress of renovating. If I can do that surely I can do this, I'm amazed that in our highly evolved brains there isn't an on/off switch to stop us from over indulging. Actually I think there is, but I just have to find it. What also amazes me is that in our advanced world of science and medicine no-one has come up with a diet pill that REALLY does work and is healthy and long lasting. Think of all the health related issues that could be eliminated if we were all slim! Speaking of which I was doing one of those surveys in a magazine the other day where you tick the boxes to see how many dreadful ailments are awaiting you down the line, I stopped half way because I thought I would go into cardiac arrest just seeing how many boxes I had already ticked! I'm sure there is really a diet pill that works but nobody will put it on the market for fear of putting all those hundreds of diet supplements , shakes soups etc out of business - did you know there is now a coffee that you can drink that is supposed to make the weight fall off?, oh yes, the advert shows a girl diving into a pool fat and coming out fabulously thin, all this from drinking a few cups of this coffee!
We are going camping this weekend, its my daughters Grade 2 family camp out. I will have to spend some time plotting and planning my meals so I'm not blindsided by a bowl of chips. My daughter, who is the most beautiful creature in the world,(I believe as her mother I'm allowed to say that!) is a great source of inspiration, happiness and envy to me. You may ask why envy - she is an exact replica of me at that age which makes me question where it all went wrong, she very petite with one of those little bodies that is made up of muscle covered with a tight thin layer of skin. You know how some people have that thin skin and others have that thick spongy look - its a bit like comparing a Whippet to a Bull Dog and I'm sure you can guess whose who in this analogy. The other night she was wearing a stunning pair of Gap jeans that fitted her to perfection and my husband pointed out that that's exactly how I looked ten years ago before falling pregnant, I just thought 'Oh damn, he has finally noticed that Ive picked up a kilo or two!' Whom I kidding? In fact, I no longer watch the Wild Life channels with the family - the number of times Ive heard my husband say ' Look kids theres Mum fishing' or 'Theres Mum going for a swim' which is followed by shrieks of laughter and when I look up its either a great big Grizzly Bear catching Salmon or a Hippo wading into the river! Thank God Ive got that thick spongy skin! Its funny how I do still love my family to distraction. Anyhow, I'm off to arm myself with some bottles of Light Wine and go camping! x
I managed to stop smoking about two years ago, it was overnight, I went to sleep a dedicated smoker and woke up the next morning with no desire ever to smoke again and have never looked back, not even being tempted through the trauma of my poor Mums death or the stress of renovating. If I can do that surely I can do this, I'm amazed that in our highly evolved brains there isn't an on/off switch to stop us from over indulging. Actually I think there is, but I just have to find it. What also amazes me is that in our advanced world of science and medicine no-one has come up with a diet pill that REALLY does work and is healthy and long lasting. Think of all the health related issues that could be eliminated if we were all slim! Speaking of which I was doing one of those surveys in a magazine the other day where you tick the boxes to see how many dreadful ailments are awaiting you down the line, I stopped half way because I thought I would go into cardiac arrest just seeing how many boxes I had already ticked! I'm sure there is really a diet pill that works but nobody will put it on the market for fear of putting all those hundreds of diet supplements , shakes soups etc out of business - did you know there is now a coffee that you can drink that is supposed to make the weight fall off?, oh yes, the advert shows a girl diving into a pool fat and coming out fabulously thin, all this from drinking a few cups of this coffee!
We are going camping this weekend, its my daughters Grade 2 family camp out. I will have to spend some time plotting and planning my meals so I'm not blindsided by a bowl of chips. My daughter, who is the most beautiful creature in the world,(I believe as her mother I'm allowed to say that!) is a great source of inspiration, happiness and envy to me. You may ask why envy - she is an exact replica of me at that age which makes me question where it all went wrong, she very petite with one of those little bodies that is made up of muscle covered with a tight thin layer of skin. You know how some people have that thin skin and others have that thick spongy look - its a bit like comparing a Whippet to a Bull Dog and I'm sure you can guess whose who in this analogy. The other night she was wearing a stunning pair of Gap jeans that fitted her to perfection and my husband pointed out that that's exactly how I looked ten years ago before falling pregnant, I just thought 'Oh damn, he has finally noticed that Ive picked up a kilo or two!' Whom I kidding? In fact, I no longer watch the Wild Life channels with the family - the number of times Ive heard my husband say ' Look kids theres Mum fishing' or 'Theres Mum going for a swim' which is followed by shrieks of laughter and when I look up its either a great big Grizzly Bear catching Salmon or a Hippo wading into the river! Thank God Ive got that thick spongy skin! Its funny how I do still love my family to distraction. Anyhow, I'm off to arm myself with some bottles of Light Wine and go camping! x
Thursday, 24 March 2011
Day 3
Joy! - I now have two legit followers and judging from feedback some facebook followers as well, one of them being from Australia so you could say Ive gone International - most exciting! I have lost another 400grams so things seem to be working. I decided to change my exercise routine this morning, not only do I not want to get bored of doing the same thing , but I believe its good to switch things up and use different muscle groups. I must start doing more weight training, did you know that you burn more calories and speed up your metabolism for longer after weight training as apposed to cardio? Well its true - so I'm going to start introducing more weights.
My husband once told me that a good way to achieve ones goal is to visualise yourself down the road looking great in that outfit you've always wanted to wear. Sound advise indeed. I find this visualization very easy to do first thing in the morning when I'm feeling fresh and bullish, but come the late afternoon the lines of that visual start to blurr and I try and rationalise with myself that maybe the skinny jeans can be replaced with that baggy boyfriend jean look, and maybe I'm better off with a longer jacket instead of that cropped tailored one. Its at this point that it takes all the will in the world not to raid the kids lunch boxes left overs and opt for a Green Tea instead. I wish I was a more natural tea and coffee drinker, most people drink several cups a day which I am sure fills you up. My parents - in law (who will remain nameless to protect their identities in the event of me becoming a famous Blogger) are prime examples of this. They are both in their seventies, although you could never tell, and live on a smallholding where they single handedly tend a vineyard, olive groves and a very grumpy and demanding horse called Harry, who if you don't feed on time will stroll into the kitchen and help himself to the fruit bowl or anything else accessible! Anyway back to the Tea, as you can imaging my parents-in law have to do quite a few activities throughout the day and each one of these ends with a ceremonial cup of hot beverage, each one being different. I have heard my mother-in law ask for normal tea, green tea, double strength green tea some of them with honey and some not - I have even heard her requesting a combination of red and green tea! Now I know about green tea but I'm not sure if the red bit is actually red tea, or if its some other herbal blend that comes in a red box or has a red tag on the end of the bag and I am too embarrassed to ask for fear of showing my ignorance of tea to such gurus. The fact is my mother-in law looks twenty years younger than her age and I'm sure weighs about twelve kilos and since I only ever see her consume tea I'm going to pay more attention the next time I'm there!
I had two girlfriends over for midweek catch-up drinks last night and discovered that a' light- low alchahol' white wine is not going to kill me, on the contrary, its really rather pleasant and you can consume a whole lot more without hanging like a Bat the next morning. I also learnt that one bottle of 'light' wine equals only three points in Weight Watchers terms, which according to my friend, who sees Weight Watchers as a new religion, is very little indeed! I must say having chatted to both of them who are fabulously thin it does make some sense.
Having embarked on this blog I panicked a bit last night that I might wake up one day and not really have anything to say - thankfully that hasn't happened today so I'm going to sign off and read up on the mighty Weight Watchers! x
My husband once told me that a good way to achieve ones goal is to visualise yourself down the road looking great in that outfit you've always wanted to wear. Sound advise indeed. I find this visualization very easy to do first thing in the morning when I'm feeling fresh and bullish, but come the late afternoon the lines of that visual start to blurr and I try and rationalise with myself that maybe the skinny jeans can be replaced with that baggy boyfriend jean look, and maybe I'm better off with a longer jacket instead of that cropped tailored one. Its at this point that it takes all the will in the world not to raid the kids lunch boxes left overs and opt for a Green Tea instead. I wish I was a more natural tea and coffee drinker, most people drink several cups a day which I am sure fills you up. My parents - in law (who will remain nameless to protect their identities in the event of me becoming a famous Blogger) are prime examples of this. They are both in their seventies, although you could never tell, and live on a smallholding where they single handedly tend a vineyard, olive groves and a very grumpy and demanding horse called Harry, who if you don't feed on time will stroll into the kitchen and help himself to the fruit bowl or anything else accessible! Anyway back to the Tea, as you can imaging my parents-in law have to do quite a few activities throughout the day and each one of these ends with a ceremonial cup of hot beverage, each one being different. I have heard my mother-in law ask for normal tea, green tea, double strength green tea some of them with honey and some not - I have even heard her requesting a combination of red and green tea! Now I know about green tea but I'm not sure if the red bit is actually red tea, or if its some other herbal blend that comes in a red box or has a red tag on the end of the bag and I am too embarrassed to ask for fear of showing my ignorance of tea to such gurus. The fact is my mother-in law looks twenty years younger than her age and I'm sure weighs about twelve kilos and since I only ever see her consume tea I'm going to pay more attention the next time I'm there!
I had two girlfriends over for midweek catch-up drinks last night and discovered that a' light- low alchahol' white wine is not going to kill me, on the contrary, its really rather pleasant and you can consume a whole lot more without hanging like a Bat the next morning. I also learnt that one bottle of 'light' wine equals only three points in Weight Watchers terms, which according to my friend, who sees Weight Watchers as a new religion, is very little indeed! I must say having chatted to both of them who are fabulously thin it does make some sense.
Having embarked on this blog I panicked a bit last night that I might wake up one day and not really have anything to say - thankfully that hasn't happened today so I'm going to sign off and read up on the mighty Weight Watchers! x
Wednesday, 23 March 2011
Day 2
One day down and I have lost nearly a kilo, which is a good start! I also have one follower which is great news, albeit my dear husband who showers me with unconditional love and support no matter what I do. He did say something to me though that made me question my sanity in this whole thing - he said "You are so very brave to put yourself out there like this, what happens if you fail, everyone will know!".So I'm now sitting on the fence as to whether I want anymore followers or not, although I did hear somewhere that sitting on the fence can only lead to two things - wasted time and a splintered butt! The only answer is to soldier on and ban the word failure from my vocab.
Yesterday went well although I did develop a vague headache late afternoon which could have either been the result of a large amount of output or small amount of input - both being a shock to my system! I also didn't sleep very well, this could either be because I went to bed hungry with sore muscles or that
I wasn't in my own bed. Our twins are eight years old and we still seem to be doing a bit of bed hopping and for reasons I now cannot remember I landed up in my sons single bottom bunk bed. I also discovered that his bed has become a kind of night shelter for all four legged creatures looking for a soft warm place to sleep and since we currently own six cats and two dogs there was a lot of jostling for space and comfort! I did, however, find the rhythmic tones of purring alternated by the laboured snuffling of my pug to be strangely reassuring and eventually fell asleep.
Anyhow back to today - I have done my excersise and was pleased to see that I cycled longer than yesterday and felt stronger. Im going to further restrict calories today and try and drink more water, which doesnt come easily to me I have to force myself to drink but I know that it is so good in many ways to healthy, thin and fit.Im going to sign off by saying that I highly recomend the feeling of waking up knowing that you are doing something about getting your life under control! x
Yesterday went well although I did develop a vague headache late afternoon which could have either been the result of a large amount of output or small amount of input - both being a shock to my system! I also didn't sleep very well, this could either be because I went to bed hungry with sore muscles or that
I wasn't in my own bed. Our twins are eight years old and we still seem to be doing a bit of bed hopping and for reasons I now cannot remember I landed up in my sons single bottom bunk bed. I also discovered that his bed has become a kind of night shelter for all four legged creatures looking for a soft warm place to sleep and since we currently own six cats and two dogs there was a lot of jostling for space and comfort! I did, however, find the rhythmic tones of purring alternated by the laboured snuffling of my pug to be strangely reassuring and eventually fell asleep.
Anyhow back to today - I have done my excersise and was pleased to see that I cycled longer than yesterday and felt stronger. Im going to further restrict calories today and try and drink more water, which doesnt come easily to me I have to force myself to drink but I know that it is so good in many ways to healthy, thin and fit.Im going to sign off by saying that I highly recomend the feeling of waking up knowing that you are doing something about getting your life under control! x
Tuesday, 22 March 2011
Day 1
Today is the first day of my journey to a thinner, fitter, and happier new person.I started with a short cycle and some tummy exercises! I feel this is going to be a journey of self discovery and healing. I want to learn to love myself totally so I can pour out more love for my deserving family and friends. As I'm writing this it is becoming painfully obvious exactly how self centred this is starting to look! Having acknowledged this I still believe that I am in desperate need of self absorption. So back to things at hand, my goal is to lose 26kgs in 13 weeks. At that point I will change my name to Ell and get some new ink!
Here we go - its going to be tough and emotional and support will be needed and appreciated! But if I can do it so can anyone else. I'm not sure if anyone will read this but its so therapeutic to write it all down I'm going to persist. Off to have some more water.
Signing off - Ell in the making x
Here we go - its going to be tough and emotional and support will be needed and appreciated! But if I can do it so can anyone else. I'm not sure if anyone will read this but its so therapeutic to write it all down I'm going to persist. Off to have some more water.
Signing off - Ell in the making x
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